Friend not food

Hello,

My name is "Bwings" and I'm a vegetarian!

As is my daughter until she is old enough to decide for herself. I'm not going to be preachy that's not what this website is about. However I received a letter asking about how to feed a vegetarian. Bare with me I promise this will be informative and related to my efforts in going green. I also promise I am not trying to convert you to stop eating carcass meat and go vegetarian no more than I'm trying to make you clean your stove with baking soda. Skim if you must and you will see I'm not a mean paint slinging activists out to destroy your plate of death meat although I might tease you. This post will be long so will be in multiple parts this week.

I am often asked what I eat. My simple answer is, "The same as you just not the meat." It is not my intention to be a smart ass, I just get that question a lot! Having been a vegetarian for nine years I have formulated the quickest answer for the most common meat-eater question. Here's the scenario, you've gone to a new restaurant with friends (brave, brave you) and unfamiliar with the menu you ask the waitress/waiter what they recommend for a vegetarian. They offer the smoked salmon and without biting their head off you say, "I don't eat fish. I'm a vegetarian."
"oh!" they say, "Do you eat Chicken?"
Sure you could carry along pamphlets from PETA or some other pushy organization but I find the best answer in my experience is to say, "I don't eat anything with eyes, brains or a nervous system with the exception of carrots or potatoes." Why include the last part? It's simple, because it aids in not offending them as it's humor and because there is always some smart-ass in the crowd who will say, "Duh, but potatoes have eyes!"

In my opinion there are seven types of meat eaters

• The open-minded meat eater who can completely wrap their head around a diet without meat, it's just not for them.
• The close-minded meat eater who believes you need meat to live.
• The jealous meat eater who wants to be a vegetarian for health/morals but: doesn't have the will-power; can't afford a vegetarian lifestyle; loves the taste too much; wouldn't know how to cook meals anymore and would starve.
• The offended meat eater who is enraged by your vegetarian/vegan lifestyle as it is a direct insult to him/her as a person.
• The "practically a vegetarian" meat eater who only eats ugly animals. "I don't eat cows, well except steak, and I won't eat chicken unless it's grilled." "I only eat fish, they aren't animals." 
• The former vegetarian meat eater who sees the best of both worlds.
• The compensating meat eater who can't figure out what you'd eat or what to feed you. 

How I respond to each:

• Open-minded meat eater - Most of my best of friends are open-minded meat eaters. I, to be fair, am an open-minded vegetarian. I ate animals meat for 16 years so most of my life thus far has consisted of digesting the flesh of animals meat. I remember death meat, I just don't miss it. I believe everyone should be open to making their own decisions in life and won't push my beliefs on you provided you respect the same. Of course I get the vegetarian jokes placed on me and I return the favor. So how I interact with open-minded meat eaters is to kid. For instance, my fiancée once ordered a meat lover pizza. When it arrived I asked what was on it with a scrunched up nose. Bacon, hamburger, chicken, pepperoni. I proclaimed, "You have the entire farm on there! E.I.E.I.O" Other times I might let out a "moo" when he bites into a burger or ask my friend if they want a side of carcass with their fries. I only do this with friends though as they will know I'm making light of something. The elephant in the room must not go ignored but I don't want to be rude either.
• Close-minded meat eater - I don't often become close with these people. They are close-minded and thus whenever you are around them they are going to be pushing their beliefs on you. Justly I will do the same back and neither of us will budge. I might be open-minded to them having their own reasons but as for my diet and morals are concerned, the topic is not up for debate. So when a complete stranger tells me my daughter needs to eat her "meat and potatoes" I will of course give them the years of research that says otherwise. I always insist that she will make her own mind up when she's older as it is her decision. When an acquaintance suggests they will sneak her meat in private, I take direct offence to their outward questioning of my parenting and nevermore is she allowed alone with them. So in short, I close off the close-minded.
• Jealous meat eater - It's hard to properly respond to these conversations of wanting to not eat meat but not being able to not eat meat. Mostly because the concept is difficult for me to understand as for me it was as simple as just not doing it. I don't know if there is a proper response. These are people who are on the fence and a big part of you wants to pull them over to your side (naturally as it's what you believe in) but the rest of you wants it to be 100% their decision. So you basically sit on the other side and let them know if they ever wanted to be a vegetarian you would show them lots of recipes and promise them it's not as hard as they may think it is. Talk with them about why they do/don't want to be a vegetarian and see if there is any worries that you can calm. I also tell them that if they ever did become vegetarian and then went back I wouldn't think less of them at all. 
• Offended meat eater - similar to the close-minded meat eater but more volatile. The offended meat eater is the paint slinging activists for the other team. You've all seen the movies where an activists slings paint on a fur wearing patron and screams "FUR IS MURDER!" Well, not all vegetarians are like that and not all meat eaters are like this one. The offended meat eater will try to sneak meat in your food. If you manage to take a bite before discovering they declare what you're eating to be meat as if it proves something. This type of meat eater waves a burger under your nose after just meating meeting you and says, "Mmmm smell the blood". Essentially this type of meat eater takes a joke and pushes it too far, with a serious undertones. I may moo when my friends bite into a hamburger but I'd never slam down a picture of a cows head, tongue hanging out, on their plate! Nor would I ever throw their expensive turkey dinner in the kitty litter and do a victory dance. I won't throw paint on your fur if you don't throw meat in my salad! 
• "Practically a vegetarian" meat eater - as a true vegetarian it's hard to swallow the statement, "I'm practically a vegetarian." This one is nothing like the jealous meat eater. The jealous meat eater is at least accepting of the fact that they are not a vegetarian. The "practically a vegetarian" meat eater comes off as a poser and makes me want to say, "So you don't eat the cute animals? Do you want a cookie?! Oh, you cut back on your red meat? Want a gold star?" To me these are nearly as bad as the "I'm a vegetarian, I only eat fish and chicken." People who call themselves vegetarian but are eating flesh.....who are you kidding?! So to the "Practically a vegetarian" meat eater I say, "I'm practically a male, except I don't have a penis.... and I have boobs...and a vagina....and I'm nothing like a male...oh I have nipples like a male.....yeah...so I'm practically male!" 
• Former vegetarian meat eater - I'm always secretly curious why the were vegetarian and why they went back. That's pretty much the extent of my concern here. They aren't typically pushy in either way, it's like the best of both worlds. They've seen both sides. Sure they picked the enemy's other side of the fence but at least they ventured into my side for a bit. I guess it makes them more accepting of my choices and leaves me able to be more accepting of them. I don't know how to explain it any further. Sure I'd wish they were still vegetarian but I like that they gave it a shot, I guess that's what I'm trying to say. It's not for everyone but if they gave it a solid try then how could I ask for any more from a meat eater ;) 
• Compensating meat eater - This is actually the type of meat-eater that sparked this series of posts (there will be at least 2 if not 3) This is the kind of person who is open-minded as well as one of two things (if not both) 1) Unsure of what vegetarians eat or 2) want to feed their vegetarian friends a vegetarian meal. To this day I am met by people who worry that they don't have tofu in their kitchen when I come over. It's hard not to laugh at this as honestly I haven't had tofu in nearly 3 years. But they are also one of the more curious meat eaters. Whether it be because they can't wrap their head around your "limited" diet or because they want to treat you as they would their other guests and make you something special. In most cases it's the inability to wrap their heads around it. But occasionally I do get a letter asking what I eat as a vegetarian so they can make it for myself or their other vegetarian friends.

Tomorrow I will continue with a letter from a compensating meat eater.

For now I have said enough about meat and vegetables and must go make a late supper.
Your friendly neighborhood hippie mom.